Comic 1033 - Make a big golem

Posted on 18th May 2018, 7:08 PM in Hope
Make a big golem

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Author Notes:

Morgenstern 18th May 2018, 7:08 PM edit delete
You decide to try and make a people-sized (and shaped) golem in the red.

It's... not real easy. Even skimming past all the unnecessary details (it'll be a golem you control, it doesn't need lungs for example), it's a lot of work just to get... bones... and things... in the right places. Even if you don't plan to have it applying for a job or anything, having it mostly contain proper anatomy would make it easier for you to move and manipulate.

Your use of portalling is still limited by size, so you have to make the golem in pieces and construct them afterward--moving the inner workings to form joints and mend skin together. With it taking a good chunk of time, you sort of lose track of aesthetic consistency, and hands are still a major pain. Its fingers... are definitely fingers, but maybe no one should look at them too closely.

You finally finish your golem. It can't stand upright on its own, so you... use your blood powers to stand it up.

"Yeah, that's about what I expected," Michelle says with a nervous chuckle.

Fuse shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. "Yup. That's... that's a golem alright."

Caius grins. "We gonna buy it a dress to match the mini-Blondie?"

Dr. Finch sighs. "I... do not believe our new friend will be sticking around long enough to make that worth the cost. ...At least, I should hope not. It... it's very good for your first attempt. I suppose what's important is, can it drive?"

You confirm. You're like 90% sure it can.

Michelle's light chuckle returns, easing into more of a full blown laugh. "Hell yeah. Let's go get this guy his license and some sunglasses."


Archon 18th May 2018, 7:24 PM edit delete reply
Huh. Should probably see about getting it some heavy clothes, maybe wrap the face in bandages+glasses. Would look really shifty, but better than sending that thing out ungarbed to accidentally terrify random citizens.
Twyll 18th May 2018, 7:26 PM edit delete reply
A baggy hoodie would be a good idea. (Later, we hear police reports about a mutant in dark glasses and a hoodie stealing cars...)
Baron11704 18th May 2018, 7:28 PM edit delete reply
"Hello my name is Jim Jimington, and I recently was part of a major accident that resulted in the permanent fracturing of many bones, and great facial disfigurement, now just let me hop into my bulletproof hummer that I have here, that's been here for weeks, and I'll just be on my merry way, good day sir!" I can't imagine why this WOULDNT work!
Fishbulb 18th May 2018, 9:47 PM edit delete reply
I believe his name is Hugh Mann. He is definitely Hugh Mann, so much so that it would be crazy not to think of him as Hugh Mann.
Skullrama 18th May 2018, 7:26 PM edit delete reply
That's actually much more humanoid than I expected. We're getting better at this!

Let's have George (I'ma call him George) pack up in the car with Finch, Michelle and Liz, so they can discreetly drop him off near the hummer and await his arrival at a neutral location.

Maybe get him some clothes first.
Blue_Elite 18th May 2018, 7:33 PM edit delete reply
I'd rather call him John as I'd rather not, hug, pet, or squeeze him.
Nayru9572 18th May 2018, 7:26 PM edit delete reply
Check in with the spider. This sounds like it took a while.
Mochi 18th May 2018, 7:27 PM edit delete reply
i shall call him lumpy
Skullrama 18th May 2018, 7:43 PM edit delete reply
Lumpy is a way better name, I admit defeat.
Gigafreak 18th May 2018, 9:03 PM edit delete reply
Better than Frank (enstein) or Mario (nette), certainly
PurpleKetchup 18th May 2018, 7:33 PM edit delete reply
Might as well add the bone armour spell tattoos on Lumpy right now. He'll probably need the extra defence.
Phyco 18th May 2018, 7:48 PM edit delete reply
not even sure it can speak the brief incantation required
Gigafreak 18th May 2018, 8:23 PM edit delete reply
It has no lungs, so incantations are indeed impossible. To say nothing of potential "you require a soul to cast magic" issues, and I'm not really sure we gave it one.
Guest 18th May 2018, 8:44 PM edit delete reply
Wall-teeth and the meat ball also lack lungs, I think, and yet they can speak.
Blue_Elite 18th May 2018, 7:42 PM edit delete reply
Bandage it up and slap a coat and hat on it and we're good.

But we kinda left the blood bug out in the open, should really go check on that.

Also as a note to the ongoing debate about what to do about Grizwald/Thale's monster: I'm thinking at this point we need to consult the Tradesmen. Unless someone comes up with a stellar idea, we should at least ask them how to save Grizwald. I specifically would avoid asking for any advice in relation to Thale's monster as that info is likely going to have an unaffordable price.
We can also ask about the Zone 50 blue cactus and slime cube while we're at it.
undeadDreamer 18th May 2018, 7:43 PM edit delete reply
If you copy off a specific person as a base next time it'll probably be easier.
undeadDreamer 18th May 2018, 7:43 PM edit delete reply
If you copy off a specific person as a base next time it'll probably be easier.
Madd 18th May 2018, 8:12 PM edit delete reply
Wrap him up like Fuse was and then put baggy clothes on it with sunglasses.

Also it's Lumpy now.
Ablaze 18th May 2018, 8:24 PM edit delete reply
Give him sunglasses and a beard, and some clothes. No one will know the difference. Can he walk? Might need to practice or figure out how to transport him there
Swagner 18th May 2018, 9:00 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, let's get lumpy a trenchcoat and hat, and then have him go pick up the car.
Cuttlefish 18th May 2018, 9:31 PM edit delete reply
Make it a big red hat and trenchcoat. Where in the world is Carmen Sandiag-oh, oh god, no
undeadDreamer 18th May 2018, 9:35 PM edit delete reply
Have it leave an "egg" here so you can get it out of there fast if necessary.
Skullrama 18th May 2018, 11:10 PM edit delete reply
We can teleport the Bug through its eggs because it is a simple meat creature - we can compress it enough to squeeze it through the tiny egg portal and just re-bug shape it on the other side easy peasy.

Lumpy, however, has far more complex and specialized parts. While we may be able to compress him enough to fit through a small egg portal, getting him back into functional shape on the other side would be a substantial amount of time and effort, if it was even possible.